“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Jalaluddin Rumi
I am writing this article during the period when Venus the planet of LOVE is retrograding (March 4 to April 15, 2017). The effect of retrograde do continues for + 10 to 15 days. What is a retrograde? It is the change in the movement (motion) of a planet and its impact on us. The planet appears to move slow or in a backward movement as a result of the position of the said planet and Earth and how they are moving around the Sun. Please note the planet is not physically moving backwards in its orbit. All planets time and again retrograde, the ones which I closely follow are Saturn (the teacher), Mercury (the communicator) and Venus (the lover or love). As the saying goes “as above, so too below.” By that it means when the heavenly bodies are going slow /backward, we too on this plane are expected to go slow and take a closer look at things and spend time to re-assess, re-evaluate and re-consider aspects of our lives with regards to the said trait of the retrograding planet. Retrogrades leads to unexpected things that happens for our highest good.
One of the things during the Venus retrograde is to look at the health of our love and relationships. It was interesting that I stumbled upon the word Philophobia – A Greek word that means ‘fear of Love’, it is a condition wherein a person is not comfortable in receiving love as they maybe expressing their latent fear of their past relationships (including parents). How do we identify if we are a philophobic? – simple how do we react to kindness, affection, compliments, gifts, appreciation, intimacy etc. Do we receive it or do we shut down by asking for space or find it unnecessary, or end up saying or doing hurtful things?
If you identify with any of the above reactions do not worry this is a reversible condition as we all like to be loved, cared, given attention and appreciation. At this moment, we may be closed and denser that we are unable to allow the lighter energy of love to flow through us with ease and comfort. This denser energy is our fear of feeling non-deserving, low self-esteem, not worthy and not good enough, that we can’t accept our own higher self which is the exact opposite. I do know that our overpowering past and therefore the hurt and pain that comes along with it push us to protect ourselves but little do we understand that it is actually impacting our present. We believe that we have moved on from our past painful relationships, yes we may have moved physically (change of house, city or country) but we are still emotionally stuck and at times replaying that broken tape repeatedly to make sense of this unstoppable pain/hurt that we had received.
Our relationships pattern was set in motion at a very young age and our current internal emotional health is being reflected through our external relationships. Our parents knowingly or unknowingly may have caused hurt/ trauma/ abuse/ been overprotected/ abandoned/ rejected us or we had lost a parent etc these young age experiences are not easy to let go and to move on. Those childhood moments are like a movie reel where a certain frames get frozen and a part of us stays in that situation sometimes forever. This frozen self of us is our inner child that has not grown, wherein the time has stood still and it is this part of us that needs healing. This child wants to understand why did things happen in the manner in which it did? why am I not good enough for them? why did my father/mother treated me the way that they did?
In our mind we have isolated the two phases of our lives (i.e. childhood and adulthood) and have forgotten about the emotional baggage. As per the law of attraction, based on our data we have/are attracting our partners and relationships who reflect our internal state in a most magnified manner and when our relationships don’t work we are either blaming or going deeper in our shell. We are running away from our own mirror. These people are the ones who will stir out our shadow self and for us to recognise what needs attention but the flip side is we don’t want to know as it’s dark and too much to handle. It’s taken me awhile to understand that to have a healthy external relationship my internal relationship with myself has to shine and that’s when there would be no shutting down or running away.
Relationship is about love and love means different to different people. It is not based on hearsay, novel, movies or serial based data that we have gathered over the years but it is based on own self-worth* and how much do we love ourselves. If I ask you to define ‘love’ you may describe as you know or want based on external sources. Actually, why don’t you take a sheet of paper divide it into two halves and write down on one half what is that you want love to be and on the other half what did you see at home while growing up between the age of 0 to 8 years did you see smile, laughter, togetherness, wholesomeness, happiness, anger, abusive relationship between parents, tears, physical abuse, compromise, repulsive, important events covered with anger, despair, loneliness, unsafe, self-dependent etc. Now look at your relationships and identify which column reflects them. I had done this exercise a few years ago and I can’t thank enough to my friend who so patiently heard my first half of the total cute list and the second half of the opposite, the truth of the moment was when I saw that my then relationships were coming from the second half. The list had worked for me to know what I desired verses the actual and what must be done to move forward.
It is interesting to note that at a mind level we want everything as per the left-hand side of that list – attention/care/affection/belonging/laughter/happiness etc and we may also be given but we may not know how to handle it as we our experiences have been the exact opposite. It’s about our long old programming and clearly our receiving and giving are blocked. We are afraid and we shy away from trust and faith. When you are given something please avoid intellectualising, as there is a super genius who knows better. Take it with a smile and tell yourself ‘how does this get any better, what else is possible, what more can be received. These statements help in our expansion and to bringing in more as questions are more powerful than answers. Much thanks to Gary Douglas (Founder) and Dr Dani Heer (Co-Creator) from the healing modality Access Consciousness**
Over the years, I have built a working understanding about love and relationships. People who are or were there in my space are the guiding light in my journey here on this planet in this lifetime. These people may have been my best soul friends in the other realms but here they are helping me with my learning (unlearning) process. I have immense gratitude towards them as I wouldn’t have understood what I must look at. This realisation didn’t happen immediately it took time and energy to know and acknowledge and it is still work in progress. The pain and hurt of lost relationships does show up in various manners, and when it does I know I must look at the aspect and know what work needs to be done. I am each day bit by bit moving away from blaming myself and feeling down under, to taking responsibility of my healing work.
Here, I would recommendation things that are helping me currently:
Stay in gratitude it would be nice to say, “Thank you God for the care and love that is continuously appearing in my life.” This statement helps in opening our receiving. You can make any statement you want everything is right
Give – it is in our control. When I give with much love I receive two folds
Clearing statements – Record the whole statement as given in your voice and listen to it whenever possible in a loop. I destroy and uncreate the expectations, projections, judgments, decisions and conclusions that I have about what love and relationship are supposed to be, about what they must do, about what they can’t do, etc. times a Godzillion – Good and Bad, Right and wrong, POC, POD, All 9 Shorts, Boys and Beyond. Also follow the link a free resource by Susan Lazar Hart*** below from The Right Relationship for You (RRFY)
- Seek help – reiterating from my earlier blog* that we need to connect with people who can guide us in our healing
There is no start or end date for healing its a present continues work. I have experienced that our intention is the game changer for us. Put an intention to heal and allow the universe to assist for the highest good. May we all find and appreciate love when it presents itself.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Jalaluddin Rumi